destroy the mind

fucking shit.

2008-11-28T17:38:46Z

i havent written in forever. and i dont really care to finish this entry ethier. im at loss for words. and i have nothing to really say to even myself.....

FUCK... i don't know how to feel. i just want to drink, chain smoke, and cry....

about what- all sorts of what...

fuck you...

myspace is gay/school is awesome!

2008-08-14T00:21:03Z

people who judge me by my profile, are dumb. i mean, wow. how childish.
enough said.
SPIES!
hahaha

i love my best friend sam, shes my world!
i love jeff, hes my man!
i loveeeeeee my cats- theyre my children! my little babies!
i love my school/future job! it teaches me something everyday, and ive never before woke up in the morning EAGER to go somewhere, ever! unless it was out to drink wtih sam/or a adventure with jeff! lol
big difference there.
i love school... its so weird!

i love how it proves me wrong and amazes me. today we had learning leader training- and it was about our culture, and how to coach someone, and be a leader! not a follower in the school. it was super cool.
i really want to read more about coaching and how to make myself a better person on how to approach students with confidence and not let them walk all over me.
we did role playing, and fun energizers as well. i feel so much more comfortable around my future co-workers. even tho i wasnt UNCOMFORTABLE, but i know i can talk to them when i need them, not fear them/ or feel small around them cuz im a newbie.

EMERGENCY LIST- (a list of things you must run to do or do one when u get home to totally make you feel better or happy)
eat super spicy thai/sushi/anything that makes me cry and tingle!.
light incense.
have a beer, outside.
yoga.
sit by water- any water.
take a ride on a bike/motercycle/scooter.

everyone should have a list of these things- and keep them safe somewhere- to remind you- hey- the easy things to make you happy- are usually free, or pretty cheap. so do em, and be happy! stay smiling!

another good thing to do is write down your goals- fold it- put it in your wallet, close to you. if you put these goals out there int he universe, it'll happen. just throw it out there. it works.

tommorrows a drag- the future's a flake.

2008-07-13T17:08:36Z

beatnik movies are the way to fly.

im sooo gloomy today. and listening to these damn symphonies and stuff for my music class doesn't help so much ethier. i just feel disgusted right at the moment. dumb? i know.. jeff n i had issues, so i'm staying at my mothers for a few days- i just need to realize (as well as he) how much we need to appreciate eachother rather than just accomany our boredness and laziness. its not getting shit done at all. sooo yeah.. i sign the contract at paul mitchell the school on tuesday and apply for financial aid, grants whatnot too. (im going back to school to be a paul mitchell learning leader.. i'll be able to teach all around the u.s at any paul mitchell schools...) i didnt mention to a lot of people cause its none of their business. i want to scream it to the world cuz im so excited, but a lot of people don't get it. sow hatever. blech, some mozart and beethoven is real boring. i wish i learned to play violin or something of the sort. i need to renew my cosmo license... wow im all over the place. we picked up a stray kitten last night, hes way too little to be living outside in such heat. i want to name him something silly.. i cant say we're gonna keep him, but hes a good little breath to our issues.

i may start lving with my grandma soon, but theres some fixing we n eed to do to the stairs before i fly off oneday.. lol...
whackkkkkky shaccckkk
sooo yeah.. someone needs to be with her there mostly at nights as well.. shes scared, and its not acrazy neighborhood-0 but its not the best ethier. so ill be right next to woodlawn, which is cool. just chill.

i start school aug 4th, and is ay goodbye to sac july 31st,, im super excited, i like sac, but man, im never gonna finish.. p.m is tops 6 months, but my goal is 4... oh i can do it.. :D

enough with this im out

hnmmmm

2008-06-22T20:41:37Z

im pretty fucking annoyed with myself and heres why:
i realized i need to do something with my life. going to school is good for me, yes, but business management does WHAT exactly for me? im not even sure.
i miss having my own money, having nice things, and just being a snob i guess lol.
i hate being in san antonio.
i miss england with a passion.
i just need more to my life than this.

and today it dawned on me, im a smart person, exspecially when it comes to color, hair care, whatever, im still pretty bright at it even tho i dont DO It as often as i should.. so..
i applied to the paul mitchell school for courses on being a instructor for them.
ive been wanting to do this since i was IN beauty school the first time, and well finally i suppose, got the guts to do so.
this can get me outta sa. this can get me in a awesome job i'll love.
this will get me to be a snob again hahaha - and a rich one at that. soo... yeah.
its a done deal, lets just see if i get accepted. i kinda think i will. but im not gonna think about it too much, cause then i'll scare myself. and worry. a lot.
i did put it for 2009 school year. i do need to finish out this year at sac, cause ive done so good so far i cant just drop it.
but i will put it aside for P.M, if i do get accepted, just to put my best foot forward and get the fuck outta there.
*sigh of relief* for NOW..

please please please lord let me be happy and stop being a fuckingasshole to people.
the end.
right now- a beer, a vacation, and my kitties will make me super happy
*opens a lonestar*ahhh step one ACCOMPLISHED

hnm

2008-06-10T04:34:38Z

ive done a lot of thinking of the past. and why, its done me no good. just brought me strength and happiness. im done, im good, im loving it. i lived off some friends, weening them away- cause they were no good, but the best and better ones came forward and took the challenge. im off my meds completely because i feel they just alter youso much that you are addicted, to THAT feeling, when you can be strong and do it completely and utterly your fucking self,but just lazy. now yeah- i drink, and some may say a lot, but not everyday. and yeah some might say you smoke, thats an addiction, but honestly i can keep a pack for weeks. unlike meds i took repeatedly a day just cause i said the excuse "im supposed to".

ive learned the people i thought they were, were definately NOT. ive learned i hate a lot more people then i really confess to. ha ha. i learned i still loveself inflicted pain (tattoos peircings whatever) and that will never fucking die!

ive learned id rather be poor as fuck, (even tho im NOT), cause i was more in debt when i made 2500$+ a month. im completely on top of everything now, and no JUNK buying is on my hands.

i've learned my family/pets/friends are NUMBER ONE.. my school 2nd.. everything else LAST. if its not meant to be- then its just not met to fucking be.

people who were fake or did me wrong- it will come back to haunt them-
KARMA is real, and its a bitch to those that have it coming to them.
grow the fuck up. lets just have fun.

with this said- i have to take care of little ollie :D

shit.

2008-05-26T01:13:31Z

the other day my afternoon rocked. i got a new bike, i spent it with jeffy- i took twiggy to the vet and had good news. but then, yesterday sucked. my grandpa died at 1030 am. they called my gma at 3 am and she got a ride from, a neighbor cause he was crashing. hes been in ICU for almost 2 weeks. he had a massive stroke i believe the day after mothers day- been in icu since. yesterday morning he had multiple strokes between 3 am and 1030 when he died.
when i saw him on mothers day- he seemed like he wanted to be at peace- and was ready. he looked at all of us and whispered little things to gma and they would both nod and stare on yonder. it was weird... its like i just knew what he was saying without hearing him. the fucked up part is i dont think my gma will last much longer without him. she spent so much time taking care of him- taking him to the dialysis clinic and checkups everyotherday- her life is just going to be lost without him. they did EVERYTHING together- they had to- or he would of been dead a long time ago.
im going to lose it tommorrow and i just know it.
its going to suck.
ive never rode int he "family limo" when it came to funerals. i dont like it. not one bit.
ugh....

crappiest memorial day ever.

in other news- screeching maneki myspace is up and running- going full force.
so far good feedback- i like it. but as for first friday i dont know if we'll get to sell cause all the drama in my life as well as others- bleh.
its okay. i just want to sleep my life away for a few days and go to the coast. i want to be near water.

screeching maneki

2008-05-13T16:15:26Z

its been a while. but meh. got other shit to do.
our crafts are coming along pretty well.
and people will be as dumb as ever lately. whatever, i'm not giving 2nd chances anymore just like sam says. i got the people in my life i need the most, and if you want to delete yourself from my story, go ahead and do it, no stopping you, bye, don't come back.
i didn't pay the parking fee ethier. so ha.
my new knife hasnt come in still...
but my tiki charms, lot of skull beads 200 pcs, and maneki neko curtains came in! woop woop!
:D
i can't wait to put em up!
yaayyyyy!
with other news, twiggy is having surgery this friday to possibly amputate his left front leg due to injection site sarcoma... a really really really bad cancerous tumor growth on the side of his shoulder... im really stressed out about it, and i cry at least once a day about it, just to think my poor baby would only have 3 legs.... everyone on this yahoo group has been so supportive, and theres even another lady here in san antonio who has a cat with 3 legs and that has had this same procedure and heart ache.
i honestly dont care about anyone or anything right now besides twiggy, jeff (for his non stop support), samantha (for her knowledge of animal health), and analisa for keeping my mind elsewhere with craftsssss :D painting is my ease. i love it. its fun. my stars are coming in lovely. and the flowers are fun as well. with frogs, tiki, bamboo, and all sorts of crap. haha.
but friday, im gonna go CRAZY... ugghhh sucks ass.
the end.
im still super worried and cranky cause im so fucking sad :( i havent been so sad about something like this except my poor ben who died about 5 years ago... (guinea pig..) he also had cancer but he was very old for a guinea..

my head

2008-04-30T01:17:29Z

is fucking killing me. ididnt go to school cause of it. its cool. i talked ot my teacher. she said im one of the like 3 people who have turned everything in on time. so whatev. im so gonna pass that shit.
bleh.
i feel wretched. jeff left. he had a bad day. we ate mcdonalds. and now i feel worse. lol. why did i eat that? iw as hungry.. lol. andi didnt wanna make food.

bleh.

cookies in bed rocks.
at 8 am.

a little kitten keeps coming around and hes so fucking cute. wish i could have him. but i cant. its cool. im trying to get my mom to take him ;D\\

stupid headache needs to DIE. xanax take me away. after yoga tho.

hnm

2008-04-28T15:09:37Z

so i clicked some things and ended up on ivillage.com's astrology or whatever. i did a little profile and it came up with my i dunno i guess reading of my personality. i guess its true.

OVERVIEW

There are several different sides to your character but your energy is primarily pointed in two directions. A good part of your energy -- and probably the most visible part during your youth and young adulthood -- is strong 'people' type energy. You're devoted to giving generously to others, helping them in their various endeavors, spending time with those less fortunate than yourself or working in one of the many helping or healing professions. Because you are usually so benevolent and so flexible, you may well be a pushover for those with strong and urgent needs of their own. During your early years, although you may not be fully aware of it at the time, you may often be ill-treated by relatives and friends who take advantage of your giving nature. Much of your youth and young adulthood will probably be spent learning to take better care of yourself and your own needs.

You're also blessed with a special potential for spiritual awareness although many people with this energy aren't even aware of the gift they possess. If you do choose to exercise this ability, you may be able to act as a channel for special spiritual understanding. Your spiritual side, though, is probably of much less influence in your life than the 'people' aspect of your personality and is likely to be relatively weak until you're at least in your early thirties.

YOUR NURTURING WAYS AND SENSITIVE, COMPASSIONATE NATURE -- AND HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS, TOO

Your 9 Life Path, 6 Expression, 2 Soul Urge And 6 Birthday

You have an innate love of your fellow man. You probably enjoy people as individuals and, at the same time, have a marked concern for humanity in general. You may involve yourself in philanthropic or humanitarian activities. One of your major lessons in life is to learn to give of yourself as selflessly as possible, without thought of reward or return. As you can well imagine, this is a difficult lesson to put into practice. Much of your effort may be spent in learning to balance your personal needs and ambitions, however large or small, against your inborn desire to contribute to those in need.

You are able to comfort, help and serve others less able than yourself. You probably devote much of your effort to other people. Others will recognize your responsible ways and turn to you for the support and understanding you can provide. With your caring nature, you may choose a people-oriented line of work, possibly involving your teaching or counseling abilities. Although your sense of responsibility is one of your important strengths, you may have to learn that you don't have to be responsible for everything or everybody.

You are a sensitive person with considerable awareness of your own and others' feelings. You are often touched by the subtleties of everyone's emotions and, at times, can understand a great deal from a word, a gesture or even an unspoken thought. With this sensitivity, you want the closeness of special friends in your life and probably prefer marriage or some other long term relationship to a single life.

so im supposed to see danny on friday. im kinda excited. its weird, cause i havent seen him since.. i cant even remember. probably that static x show like in 2003? i dunno. so we'll see.
im watching fantastic four,
i get to go shopping today! i'm excited, lol!
lame-o i know. but i love buying stuff for the house. makes me happy!

our date

2008-04-27T15:41:30Z

jeff n i had a little date, it was supposed to be a nice date but we ended up at broadway 5050 which i love n i was craving onion rings so whatever! it was awesome :D had a good little date. the wings were yummmmmy. i love when my lip rings get numb and burn haha mm..

today i go to my mommas and do her hair cause she has to take pictures tommorrow or some crap? whatev. she'll give me gas money :D thursday LUCY TATTOO yayyyyy n redo all my sleeve saturday. weeee....

i want some more wings!

their blue cheese rocks!

i want a fucking salad....
mmm....

and i wanna go to sea world!!!!!!!!!!!!!

busy

2008-04-26T00:10:07Z

watching mgm cartoons makes my day.
i was so busy today and i didnt even leave the house. cleaned some upstairs and down took out trash cleaned the tub, toilet, all that jazz, put millions of articles of clothing away and made a "GOODWILL"bag. fuck man, tired. i also applied to 13 jobs. count em, 13.all meaningless little part time jobs that are pretty easy and just for the time being. im to the point i just want a little job to pay my credit card and thats about it. other then that i dont really HAVE to have money....
numerous of places like bed bath n beyond, michaels, chipotle (MMM..), home depot, the inventory people, so on and so forth.
baby mama came out today, but im far too tired right now.
i think i'll do some pilates and call it a day.
i made this amazing chicken earlier, with my ziplock technique again flour lousiana hot sauce, n regular ol salt n pepper.. put in the frying pan, little bit of olive oil, like not even a table spoon and 5 mins on each side, and its done!
then made the rice. lots of tomatoes, green peppers, and thats about it...
made guacomole ont he side too. mmm...
i love cooking with gas! ahahah and at first i was super scared.
oh yeah i watched bits and pieces of the parade on tv hahaha when i could of totally walked down the street! ah well. its cool. i was very busy.
tattoo appointment next thursday with josh, then tattoo appointment on saturday with miles. ha ha. i fucking live there. :D
oh yeah im really sad, fucking steph got accepted in houston and has to move.. shes there for a YEAR... im real sad about that.. so thats also why i needed to look for another job.. booooo...
sigh.
i also got my tax return today woop woop i got 2500+ in the bank now!
i told jeff id get him his scootah but. we really dont have one picked out, and that money isnt gonna stay there long. lol enough said. i got fucking bills to pay! so he better hurry up n pick, or hurry up n tell me yeah pay the bills.
we were supposed to have a date tonight but hes beyond tired. poor tihng has been working so damn much.
oh yeah jeffrey star was here this week huh? whatev. or this weekend? dunno.
blahblahblah...
doing my clients hairtommorrow, so thats 80$ easily. yay.

well gotta go pack my things to do her hair, im out.

yes im actually writing.

2008-04-25T13:22:17Z

im fucking annoyed as fuck with people. i want to just not get on myspace for a long long while. i just dont see the point anymore. i dont use it to promote, or find clients anymore so i really dont care.
im just not in the fucking mood.
i hate how people cant "find the time" to hang out with friends, cause whatever, yet they are always on myspace! theres time! but hey itscool, if u just dont wanna hang out with me just fucking say so. i also realized how good a friend can be, even when i dont talk to them everyday or see them as often. i cherish that, cause thats a real friend, not needy as fuck and whatnot. but i still fucking see him at least onceee in a while. he doesnt get all butt hurt when i dont text or call. gah, get the fuck over it, IM BUSY TOO.. heh.
golden girls make me laugh. exspecially when you listen to All That Remains while their on hahaha two completely opposite things.
so yeah, me n jeff love our new apartment, its rad. i love the sleep i get. well when i have xanax.. speaking of i need to go pick up my shit..
bleh.
hnmmm whats for dinner.. gotta take out some chicken.
i love cooking with gas by the way! we can eat in like 15 mins rather then 45 with the fucking crappy elec stove we had at the old apartment!

ive been talking to danny like almost everyday, if not every other. okay ill just say at least 2wice a week.
just cause i have the time or ive been home. not to say i HAVE to talk to him. but i love how he finds the time too, when exspecially his wife would KILL him if she found out ha haha.
sneaky sneaky. but whatev.
the photoshoot the other day was OKAY. yeah just OKAY.. my hair was crazylooking and my makeup strange.. but meh i thought that last time too.

okay this is long enough. i think im done already. ha ha.

bleh!

2008-04-20T16:40:28Z

i hate my familys drama GROW THE FUCK UP. i hate people who apparently ARE NOT my friends anymore. fuck yourself. your not any better than me. although im sure you'll always think you are.
get the fuck over it.

i hate my brother. i have no fucking pity for you OR my sister.

your forty something and you act the way you do, it means shit to me.
you should be fucking ashamed.

i'll pray for you.
the end.

all sorts of sorts

2008-03-28T03:02:14Z

being sick sucks ass.
lease is up april 30th.
enough said.
weeeeeeeeeeee...

i'm learning who my real friends are, by just how stupid they act, and how bad drinking/drugs mean to them, and mad cause i can't hang out cause im fucking SICK, and just irritated, so why the fuck would iw ant to be with them anyways?
they made no impression in my life whatsoever so wtf would iw ant them to stick around for me anyways?

lame-o's.

i've been writing/reading/ a lot. i got some english work to do due tuesday, and a test on monday in math. oh yay. then summer session is just around the corner!

i love how nigel loves any noise, music, computer, printer, alarms, phones, he runs to it and stares like "hey! this thing is making a noise!"

he stuck his paw in the printer right now. lol...

oh nigely poo...

GOOD NEWS TO COME SOON.
yay!

30$ reward zone points rocks.

no country for old men dvd here i come! or actually.. i really need a new dvd player..

IM OUT

"uncle leo is having regular sex?"

2008-03-14T04:15:04Z

seinfeld makes me content. no one wants to text. or they're partying. i find stupid people on myspace. i feel sad.
bleh. i wanna eat ice.
i eat a lot of ice.
i havent written in a while. bleh. last friday was fun. can't believe it was already a damn week ago. my betsey got soaked, but its cool, i bought another lol. well my mom did. not me. saw robert today. had fun. didnt do much. just went to the farthest hooters ever! why the fuck isnt there one ONE the southside?! ugh. shoulda just went to buffalo wild wings or something. uncle leo, you dirty dirty whore. :whens the last time you looked in the mirror?!?:
im gonna buy oranges tommorrow. are they in season? i want them. who knows why.

mm pears make me happy.

YOU TESTED POSITIVE FOR OPIUM.. thats right elaine... OPIUM...

pears n ice. mmmm.... lame-o.
jeffs knockedout. we both slept as soon as he got home. forever. i woke up at 9, and fucking took a shower. im wide awake now. eating ice.
which i keep saying. i wanna do my hair.. bleh. too expensive. and jeff will have a fit cause i want my extensions again haha. but i want long hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrr

omg nigel-ie is so fucking cute. he keeps me company so much. his little balls are healed. tiny, but healed.

ugh i hurt my back real bad somehow, im thinking over stretched, my right side hurts so bad like its twisted crazy in there. i wanna do yoga, but i think i over did it last night. top chef SUCKS.... anthony bordain NO reservations ROCKS...... the movie "shoot em up" was WAY over the top. woulda been hilarious high lol. "WHHAT??!! WHERE DOES HE KEEP THESE CARROTS?!"
stupid carrots.
grocery shopping sucks.
i gotta get sam a present. but what? im so confused.....
im so loser-ish. i feel so lame. we applied for a fucking loan and it didnt pass. and im SO confused, why the fuck didnt it?!??!! ugh... so hopefully i'll try somewhere else tommorrow.
or saturday. im kinda over that.
i gotta head to best buy too to take back this damn wire. bleh. i don't feel l ike doing that ethier. i cant stop sleeping. why am i so sad? being depressed sucks, but it sucks more when i don't realize it untill i wake up at 1 pm like DUDE wtf, i slept the day away. not even knowing. not even tired wheni lay down. concentrating too much on little sounds, or people outside. am i just getting more and more paranoid? god damnit im so over this.
drs soon. not lookin forward to that...
sigh...

im tired.
of everything.
i wanna just go into a room, and come out when i know i would of forgotten all thats outside the door..
bleh.

oh nigel.. i love the way you sleep

bananabruises @ 2008-03-04T18:06:00

2008-03-05T00:09:01Z

my teacher.. wont stop talking. about everything.
its insane.
i could totally do research. but im so sick of it.
fucking yosemite park...

im going with steph to the slinging ink tattoo expo saturday. im excited. never gone.

drunknesss!

bleh..
my eye is fucking hurting.

shes talking about a "7month old reading at a 7th grade level" wtf..

im out. goodnight. brought my headphones.. lol

bleh

2008-03-01T04:21:15Z

why is everything NEXT MONTH. SXSW, dereks going away party.(im not even sure where hes going?>) sams party. mods vs rockers which im not even sure I can go, cause school and my school work. im just hoping everything works out. im so stressed out. it sucks. my hand hurts, cause i wrote so fucking much today, my abs hurt from working out last night. i downloaded amy whinehouse, and 2 of the newer horrorpop cds cause im going with analisa to theyre show and i wanted to see what i got myself into lol. chere is going so that'll be cool. i just realized earlier, that analisa is younger than my niece. lol so i feel like "fuck, its like im corrupting steph" but shes already corrupted.. hahaha(my n iece that is)
ive lost so much respect for my brother and sister, that its not even funny anymore. blows. oh well...........
its sad.

i gotta get nigel fixed soon. hes trying to hump olive. but he isnt sure how to go about it. he just stands on her. and she growls and gets mad.

ab fab is funny but not hilarious.
sigh.
im downloading scarling. and alicia keys.
im wearing this old ass lucky 13 shirt. it feels weird.
sigghh i miss danny.
i wish he'd call again.
bleh...
i wish i was in a better mood to talk to derek.
he called, and left a voicemail, but i think hes partying.
i'd call back but my throat hurts alot. we ate pizza :/
it cut my gums in the back. gay.
ugh im tired.

goodnight cunts

well

2008-02-29T14:35:42Z

as i rip off the kiss kiss kill kill cd...

all i have to say is,
at least her bass lines have gotten cleaner..
but i smell emo lyrix all the way....

BLAH ha

2008-02-29T14:19:50Z

hahaha

im actually in an alright mood today. yesterday tho SUCKED HARDASS.... i mean so bad. last night, sucked even more. i felt drugged out and just delerious. but i got my books, for my damn "what feels like a book report," which is actually a research paper. i wrote ONE note card last night.. which actually consists of 4 notecards.. so thats ONE note.. ugh. 9 more to fucking go. i actually WROTE in my REAL journal and that felt fabulous. i was just so angry/ansy/grrr listening to music. but i actually got some anger out, cause i worked out some. yoga. pushups. a lot of ab work. im not sore, yet.. lol. so i was invited to go to horrorpops with analisa. and i have to say im can actually excited. i havent been to a show like that in forever, and its gonna be HILARIOUS.... im gonna crack up laughing, sipping my beer, dancing around, im not gonna drink a lot cause, well i don't need to. im not driving. soo i COULD, but i already told myself im not drinking all weekend cause i need to lose weight. so far, so good.

liquid diets seem to love me tho..

LOL

i just want to be where i was before, not fat, not skinny, just, GOOD. haha. weeeeee i can't wait to dance around and push stupid rockasillys away from me! MOVE IT BITCHES hahahahaha yeeeaaahhhh im excited ha ha. if there is even a pit.. cause its mostly chicks that go... and you know they barely wanna "mess up their oh so precious hair"

DAMN im listening to theyre hell yeah cd, and darko gave this to me, when we first met cause he hated it lol. and thought id like it. and i did for a while. untill i got into frantic flintstones and all that. ssiigghhh.... the old days. blasting my radio. had no voice. smoking a lot. (well that hasnt changed..) but leaving like NOW to get to work on time, stuck in traffic, and mad cause i had to clean all that bullcrap for WHAT!? nothing.

so tonie told me she was asked to teach classes. and i was WTFGODDDAMNIT i wanted to teach class sooooo bad... if i had a chance to teach i'd go back.. cause i;d have MY SCHEDULE.. LOL.. fucked up. but you know? damnit. im not jealous. i dont think she wants to do it anyways. but, on a serious note, i'd so fucking teach if i could. oh well.

paul mitchell academy, i really wanna go. so oh well... my only concern is taking care of SAC first, i dont want to just drop all this work for nothing, and start something else you know? waste of money... i mean yeah the credits are always there, but shit.. its like i'd be working my ass off for nothing....okay im going to do some job searches right now. bleh. and im hungry.

bananabruises @ 2008-02-23T19:36:00

2008-02-24T01:38:17Z

oh lordy lordy meee im tiirred.

weird.

2008-02-18T20:50:49Z

but i just really realized my priorities needed to be straightened out, so they were. oh well. fuck me. and im broke. so whatever.
my client is on my last nerve, and im just about to ignore her completely.
im not going to no wedding. fuck no.
i have a test tonight, which ive been studying on and off for thruout the day. taking a cig break. a water break. a pee break. a internet break. and now, a writing break. all i can think is polynomials binomials so on and so forth. i hope i get out of class right after the test... its not a flex class so i dont see why i wouldnt.. but who knows. bleh.
im in this weird state today, i guess just FOCUSED, which is weird i guess lol. i cant seem to get warm today. i sit outside in the sun with my eyes closed, face up, cig in right hand, feet on the bbq pit, just veggin out... but it doesnt seem to work. its making me sleepy. i feel so tired. xsquared times x cubed equals xto the fifth.. on and on and on.. i made my cheat sheet card, with all the rules. so i know i'll get a A...
i b etter damnit!
then come home to write my damn paper again.. ugh. then i'll have all the altima stats in my head.. 23 mpg... low back seat.. awesome front seat room.. backup camera.. bibliography- consumer report, pgs 45 something and something... nissan altima 3.5 SE...
and so on and so forth..

i made a bag of popcorn, that i just don't seem interested in..why does the fat free butter always stay stuck on the bag? is this what makes it fat free? cause you don't even get to taste the butter?

i put more bird food outside in my hand made feeders, yes i made them.. im that cheesy yes...
but i put the food outthere to keep the cats out of my hair while i study. theyre just amazed by birds and swear theyre going to catch one oneday..

chirp chirp chirp...
i need to make a bad tattoo museum. im just amazed at the shit people get done. jesus!

i wanna go back to jeffs parents, i was just so relaxed yesterday, laying on the sofa with sophie, watching food network.. diners drive thrus and dives or whatever.. i love that show*haha*
then seeing gabriel and vero made my day as well.
i got pretty buzzed by the end of the night,
which was super early! jeff and i started early @ cheesecake, where i had, 3 or 4 22 oz beers, 1 strawburr tini, and...he had 2 tinis, and a rootbeer with whiskey.. gross! lol then we got to saltgrass where i just had one tall miller... and cheese fries.. mmm.. fatty! then got home, did the motorcycle scene legos gabriel had gotten us, and passed out. it was literally... 10 something.
but i didnt sleep well.
i didnt take ANY meds yesterday so i was up all night thinking crazy thoughts and paranoid, and having weird dreams when i did sleep.
so maybe thats why im all bleehhh today lol.

im so fucking cold. ugh! why am i cold today?!
this popcorn blows.. its not the ecstasy i was looking for...
bleh.

perhaps a sugar free lifesaver popsicle will do the trick.. meh..

doesnt mix well with water.

ugh lookin at twiggy, ic ould die if something happened to him.
i love him so fucking much. i hope his growth is nothing serious. cause ill freak out.. i cant afford surgery, nor do i want him to be put under anasteshia... (cant spell)

my poor baby. i hope its not hurting him.

i love him beyond belief! i need another tattoo of him. asap...

kinda okay

2008-02-15T19:10:41Z

okay so i colored my clients hair. she hated it lol. i had to redo it which i would of rather done then left it alone and come back to it later ya know. well with all this going on, when i walked inside i heard my tire making a shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noise lol. i ran over something and it was deflating as we were inside. so her fiance' fixed my tire with my spare. and with that said... i was starting the drive home. it was getting worse by the block. i barely pass a valero, and im thinking i should put air in it.. i pull into a weird community, and i look at my spare. and its like GONE... theres no way i could drive home. so i called my parents, and jeff, and he came and got me and we had to leave it there :( i left a note on the house i left it at, saying please dont tow it call me if someone does, or steals or vandalizes it and left my number lol. by this time it is 6 something.. i had left my house at3pm... omg i was tired, irritated and starving. all i had eaten was cheese and apples.. haha. so jeff gets me, we drive allllll the way to my moms. eat a FABULOUS mexican dinner (jeff and me can not make mexican rice for the life of us.. it just turns out DISGUSTING..) and she made flautas, omg sooo good.. and my dad my wonderful dad, brought me bakery stuff i like.. awww he loves me so much lol. he went to get the car trailer from his warehouse, and when he came back we went back again to nw military to get my fucking car. ugh what i night. when we went to go get it, it was on the RIM now.. lol the tire didnt even look like it was ON the tiny rim EVER. sucked. so jeff, drives the car up the tiny wheel width ramps to the trailer on the rim. my dad was so impressed lol. before he did it, i thought my dad was gonna make me do it and i was already freaking out omg omg omg omg please not me please LOL. one inch too much over and it'll scrape all underneath! lol. so jeff does it and my mom goes "you know, hes way better then any of sisters men!" LMAO (my sister we call her "sister", and my brother "brother") lol... i was so happy. and i said SEEEE HES AWESOME!! HE EVEN WROTE ME A POEM TODAY! which he did :) lol
he left me this on my myspace-
i wanted to get up early and write back to, so you could read how much i love you too.
but as you know my silly valentine...that night train makes a meeeean wine.
so i'm writing you now to tell you just how, you make all my days complete.
because next to you no other woman can even compete.
from your beautiful hair and sexy stare, to your lovely smile and awesome style. and yes even the rough way we play...I LOVE MORE THAN ANY SILLY POEM CAN SAY!

...hahaha time for more night train!

FUCKING CUTE RIGHT?!?! and he got me ZEBRA slip on flats with a red bow on top of the toe... he so loves me. :)
i got him a buffalo chicken wrap for lunch today and a big lego set of indiana jones haha :)
best gifts ever!
he said "i wanted to get you a fake orchid plant.. since we always kill the real ones.. that way it'll last forever.. but i forget to get money out of the jar.." LOL but aAWW!! hes cute. we're going to dinner tommorrow night to acadiana :) i fucking love this boy!
so with all that drama yesterday....
my mom called to say my dad left to work this morning with my car in tow on the trailor, and then she heard the garage door open up, so she went to check to see who it was, it was him, and he got a FLAT on the trailor... LOL he was OVERRRR ITT!!!! LOL... he was late for work (he owns his own business and freaken has a HORRIBLE day when hes late.. he likes to be there at like 630am!) and my mom gave him her credit card to activate to buy my tires, and the company gave him a pissy mood cause HER name is on it and he told them off and called her all mad lol.....
my poor dad...
:)

well also with all the drama with my client, she called today saying "I LOVE MY HAIR ITS THE BEST EVER OMG OMG OMG BLAHBLAHBLAH YOU OUTDID YOURSELF" lol okay.. thanks.. lol
i did ONE strand of the extension this morning trying to get it blonde like her hair, and there is NO way its going to get there. i was just test trying it out and it got a level 9 nasty color... (shes a 9/10)blonde but it broke in HALF... so there was no way i could do all the tracks this way. so i used 20 vol left it for 7 mins, and it was a realy pretty golden level 7/8 soooo thats gonna have to do without making it brittle as crap or falling off the sewn track.. so i lo lighted a strand of the blonde, with 8/0 and tiny dot of 7/0 and its gorgeous all laying together curled.. makes me wanna have brown hlighted hair haha lol. so im gonna go over to her house later to show her these pieces (when jeff gets home so we can take his truck) and see if they get the approval before i go on doing the rest. cause yeah, theres no way im gonna do the rest and shes that nervy and then she hate them. fuck that. lol.

soo YEAh my two days so far!.
i need a cigarette real fucking bad and jeff took the mini cigars this morning and that was the last of any sort of tobaccoo in this house. fuck. so ill have to bum one off of sam here in a bit when she gets here.
YES we're having chinese for lunch. i just want soup tho.. MMMM... i fucking love chinese.. so fattening.. but i dont care.
UGH my back is SO sore from doing yoga the other day, i was doing all these back bends like crazy cause i was a little under the influence LOl and i stretched more then ever, i think i should do it more often this way cause i found myself stretching beyond the limit and it felt soo good. except my back hurting right now. its not PAIN, its like it needed that stretch, and i finally got it.

so my schedule tonight is as follows.
show these extension pieces to sara.
go to dairy queen and get me a cherry blizzard or whatever..
watch jeff drive away to hang out with brandon.
work on these extensions for the rest of the night with movies on in the background lol.
(PS- VHS is the way to go, go to half price, theyre all 1.98 except clam shell cases theyre 4.98. still not bad. we've bought about 25 vhs movies int he past week that arent even the ones i could get on dvd for 9$ lol. like fucking crouching tiger hidden dragon, taxi driver, high fidelity and all the rest!)
and then.. probably smoke.. if someone wants to. haha
then TOMMORROW-
re read and do more work on my essay IM FUCKING FINISHED already. im so proud of myself. just gotta do some finalization on it, then type it up. get jeff to read it.
take nigel and twiggy to the vet... dun dun dunnnnn
go perhaps get a cactus from calloways.
finish whatever extensions i didnt finish. but i plan on being done TONIGHT..
and then go to dinner with my wuver jeffy :)
mmm fried pickles and GATOR TATORS MMM

okay im loving my lego star wars shirt. it fucking rocks.
SUNDAY- do almost nothing all day. GET MY FUCKING DRINK ON with sister! and get my damn receipts from vc.. ugh.. nerve wrecking cause i hate even walking past that place. as me and derek said a while back real baked lol "when i think about vc, it feels like another lifetime, and when i hear about the drama and shit there from people who still work there, it feels like a NIGHTMARE JOB.."
lmao. so fucking true!
the... end...!

ugh

2008-02-13T23:02:04Z

i want work done like NOW,. lol thats sad. im craving to finish my arm. so bad.

random note. people stare way more at me in florida then they do here. it was nuts lol.
and it wasnt the kids so much as i thought, but theyre parents!

haha
i cant wait to see gabriel, i have so many hilarious things to tell him lol. like those jokes or things that happened that i just cant text cause its NOT funny... lol im sure its gonna make our day! hahaha
hurry up jeff and get home, i wanna get my drink on! our VALENTINES date lol :)

bananabruises @ 2008-02-13T13:29:00

2008-02-13T19:37:28Z

ugh my whole post fucking deleted. i dont know why. im over you livejournal!
im OVERWHELMED.. my client is freaken acting weird cause her wedding is coming up and you know how they get lol.
i have my client jen on saturday. shes awesome.
and then my other client is making me feel bad cause i need to charge her 80$... but its chunks underneath AND cl all over.. wtf. im sorry you dont have the cash and just credit but look, i reallyu need the MONEY LOL..
oh well. whatever.
sorry.
go to the salon and get charged 120.

i gotta get my tax shit together.
i need to go get my receipts from vc. bleh.
whatever.
maybe sunday. hanging out with my lover sister then.
yay!
dereks coming over right now.
yay!
then gonna go pick up his niece just to drop her off. funny right.
i need outta here right now. im annoyed. BLAH.
take me away derek!
i cant wait for me and jeffys date later to YUMMY BEER PARADISE haha.. (flying saucer) sapporo land here i come...
ANDDD its glass night SO its valentines tommorrow right, ITS JUNE AND JOHNNY CASH GLASSES.. sweeeet.......

lol.
lame i know.
but i love shit with june..
lol

UGH I NEED TO GET TATTOOED. IM ANNOYED.
fucking tax return cant come ANY FASTER..
BLEH!

just on going and going

2008-02-12T06:40:54Z

so im applying for financial aid. which i reaalllyy didnt wanna do. but it cant be that hard, i mean wtf, everyone and theyre mom gets money whycant i? i just feel um.. failureish if i get it? does that make sense? oh well. stupid i know. im gonna apply anyways. ive been searching on sacs job placement website a lot. theyll send me emails on things i like and blahblah. its good this way cause for sure they have to work with your school schedule ya know. good thinking :) the good thing, is so far it doesnt seem like i missed much math while i was gone./ i picked up right where i left off and did the homework in class IN THE MIDDLE of learning something new. i was proud of myself i actually remembered!! LOl cause shit, i know i forget shit fast!
i got jeff his valentines day present early, the legos indiana jones scenes. the big box, i dont know what its called. it was 60 bux. but whatever. its the coolest valentines crappy day present ever hahaha. lets see what i get LMAO jk jk jk jk jk.
i WAS gonna just get him things that remind him of me. like cider, sparks, (why beer right? LOL alcohol makes him think of me hahaha) sour patch kids (one of our first dates to the movies haha) twizzlers(one of his faves) and licorice jelly bellys cause i gave him a bag he could never finish lol :)
but this is better, we're supposed to lose weight. not gain it. and candy, we just cant seem to get rid of when we have it.. haha
mannn i missed my kitties SO FUCKING MUCH... its kinda weird to adjust to having them around again. i wake up to tiny noises again, when there in disney i slept like all night flawlessly except to pee. but id find myseld waking up like "nigel??" "twiggy?" th inking id feel theyre movements on me like they usually do at night.. it sucked not having them.
but traveling with pets in general, cannot be fun lol

i loved disney but i dont know if ill go back anytime soon. its one of those things, everyonce in a while, its cool. like mexico lol. meh. but london, i wanna go like NOW. i miss it. i crave it. i cant wait for it. we were looking up LEGO LAND in england... we wanna plan a trip so bad.. but we're broke now. we spent way more in fl then planned, cause the STUPID bitch that said i was only being charged 300 something for the rental car, actually didnt tell us of the 100 something more we had to pay. so i paid 500 something for that piece of shit. cause our age and whatnot, you get screwed big time on rental cars. then with coverage..i was OVER IT.. wtf. but we didnt know this till theday we were leaving, when we returned the car, and i wasnt about to start shit, its 4 am, i wanna go home, i want xanax and im beyond nervy so fuck off.!!
i feel so fucking tired. im doing yoga moves randomly to stretch out my stress feeling body. ugh my back is killing me. off i go.

oh yeah i hopefully will hang out with gabriel soon! fuck yes! i cant wait to give him his gift its so hard to fucking contain myself in not telling him, since i ruin gifts for EVERYONE.. lol